i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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