Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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