She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
