I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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