Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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