Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
