Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
