your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
