Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
