The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
