I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
