now i know why i became what i already was.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
