Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
