She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize