nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
