you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
