I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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