therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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