So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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