exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
