i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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