Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
