the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
