I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
