You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
