i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
