I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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