They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
