Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize