I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
