A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
