I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
