somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
