Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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