You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
