too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
