So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
