I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize