things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
