I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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