I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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