So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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