Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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