she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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