i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
