I bet he comes in French.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
