Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
