the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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