If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize