How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
