Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
