so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
