i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
