Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
