when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
