This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize