there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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