so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
