yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
