This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
