Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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