That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
