I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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