I seem to have left my pride at pride
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
