Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
