wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
