Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize