dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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