I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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