New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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