It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize