i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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