could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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