I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
