just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize