spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
