Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
