And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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